Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014) [SPOILERS] [SWEARING]

I wasn't going to review this movie, for two reasons;

1. I'm fairly certain no-one reads anything on this blog. Which almost suits me fine, because it means no-one is here to flame me for my gushing ;)
2. I didn't want to get hassled for the following opinion..

I LOVED the new Ninja Turtle movie.

That's not to say there weren't things I would have liked to have seen done differently, or things that annoyed me (some of the camera work- that opening scene of April really should have been a "found footage" style cut to Vern filming her). But I enjoyed this movie just as much as Guardians of the Galaxy.

I loved the Turtles. Just in general. I never minded the new look of them, everyone bitching about the "noses" and comparing Mikey to Shrek, always sounded a bit petty to me. Especially the comparison to the CG design and the Henson design of the '90s films and various cartoons and comics..

Via filmequals.com

Clearly I am one of a minority that considers the above fan-made changes to look completely daft. The Henson designs were amazing- for their time. But surely more modern audiences wouldn't be able to take this look seriously? Plus, with motion capture, we get to see the actors expressions translated on the Turtle faces much better. When they're angry, they sneer! It's no different to Andy Serkis's performance or those on Avatar. 

And the Turtles were pretty much everything I was expecting and hoping for. Leonardo was the leader, Raphael was the hot-head, Donatello was the techie and Mikey was a bit of an idiot-goofball. Nostalgia Critic seemed to think this was a negative, something that was unremarkable. But that's pretty much who the characters have always been (and in the '90s movie there wasn't much explanation for Raph's hot-headedness either- which was something he felt was missing from this film). But why should they explain it? Surely, if you're going to see a movie about mutant, ninja, turtle teenagers, you either already know these characters or at least have some inkling. Why would a non-fan go and see this? Would you expect a non-fan of Star Wars or sci-fi in general to see the new Star Wars movie?

People also commented on the characters played by Megan Fox and Will Arnett, such as they got too much screen time, Vern (Arnett's character) was too much of a lech (same went for Mikey), Fox couldn't act to save her life..

Actually I thought the screen time was spilt fairy evenly (though the sequel ought to be pretty much 100% Turtles), Vern and Mikey's characters did have fairly dodgy moments (the shell-tightening line and the ogling arse moment) but both of those were countered by either the other Turtles calling Mikey out on his comment and Vern almost killing them all, crashing through a massive snow bank. Which suggested to me that, if you're not more considerate, you will either be ridiculed and berated by your brothers or you will die.

And, okay, Megan Fox does come across as a bit stiff at times. But overall I thought she was pretty good as April O'Neil! Certainly this role is much better than her Transformers part, she's actually allowed to act here, for a start! She comes across in interviews as chirpy and relaxed, if she can be encouraged to carry that over on-screen more in the sequel, I think people would have a higher opinion of her.

And then there's the plot. 

Yak, yak "it's the same plot as The Amazing Spiderman". Uh huh, that's nice. Except I've seen that movie, and I couldn't tell you about any single scene in that damn movie. I was seriously unimpressed with ASM, the "original" trilogy was the one I saw, and whether good or bad, the one that had stand-out moments (the kiss, the parade fight with Macy Grey, the final show down between Grren Goblin and Spidey in an abandoned building..). The new movie? Nadda. 

Ninja Turtles had;

• The awesome title sequence! Oooh I wish Marvel or DC would do something like that!
• The cute scene of turtle-tots sticking a car wing-mirror through the sewer grate to watch MTV.
• The premature high-three on the roof, frozen as they argue "is that a camera flash" and "do we kill her"? Drastic stuff ;)
• The sneaking home. And Mikey's excuse that he's sleep-walking.
• The hashi. The image of Raph knitting, Leo balancing eggs on chop-sticks while doing splits and Donatello ping-ponging away on a see-saw.
• 99 cheese pizza. Mikey's going down. 
• The after effects of the adrenaline rush. Leo, Mikey and Donnie go to leap over a railing, and just run through it. 
• Donnie's little snorting laugh.
• Donnie's even more sarcastic response to Raphael's "weather and sports forecast", whilst sliding down a snowy cliff, underneath the trailer of an out-of-control big rig.
• The elevator scene. Obvs. ;D
• The "last" confessions. Donnie's licking of the pop-tarts before putting them back in the box. Mikey's confusion on the ending of Lost, and Raph- telling his brothers he was mean to them because he loved them, and didn't think he was worthy of them. Of course they land safely and Mikey asks if Raph is crying. "No! There's just a lot of dust 'round here".
• Michelangelo, serenading April with this.. 

So this vs. Amazing Spiderman? 

Not much contest really. I mean, even the reason Shredder and Sacks were trying to poison New York made sense. And can anyone really tell me Shredders arc in the '90s movie was better? He was training kids to be Foot soldiers- and also jack TV's from peoples balconies?! Ooooh, criminal mastermind there... *rolls eyes heavily*.

So yeah, you can hate the movie. The cast and director. And certainly you can hate Michael Bay. By all means go ahead.

But c'mon. Stop telling me this movie is complete and utter crap! I've now made up my own mind, and by the Gods I'll defend this movie to the death!

(The death by 99 CHEESE PIZZA!!!)

Plus? Noel Fisher as Mikey is really fucking cute. Seriously.